BREAKING: Obama Cheats On Michelle At His Birthday Party And Pays For It Dearly

Former President and traitor in chief, Barack Obama, found himself standing outside a DC hotel this morning with no ride and only two Secret Service agents after Michelle left him stranded. She had just caught him red-handed with his lover, Lewis Karim al-Answalari, so she took the car and bolted.

Hotel employees described an awkward scene as Obama stood out front, unsure of exactly what to do when al-Answalahari came down and met him in public in the foyer. Concierge Linda Leominster told our reporter:

“He just kind of stood there and ignored the poor guy while he cried ‘please, Barack…she knows…what difference does it make?'”

How ironic is that?

The Secret Service had to take four agents from the White House to rescue Obama and bring him to safety. they delivered him to the DC estate the family recently purchased only to find Michelle had thrown all of his clothing out a second-floor window. Agent Stif Michaels told us:

“It was so sad. He stood there shouting ‘come on, baby…you know you’re the only woman for me’ while she called him names that the LGBTQ community may not appreciate.”

A spokesman for Barack said the couple was working towards a resolution while Michelle’s said you can expect divorce papers within the month.

About Flagg Eagleton 22 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.