BREAKING: Evidence In Malia Obama’s Drug Arrest Mysteriously Vanishes

Malia Obama was arrested just outside of Atlanta on Friday with more than eleven pounds of marijuana and a half-sheet of LSD. She was apparently on a tour bus with one of the bands from “Lollapalooza,” a hippie drug fest where indigents try desperately to recreate Woodstock but with horrible music.

Now, after being charged with 4 felonies and awaiting a bond hearing, it looks like the DA will have to drop the charges. 4A314 correspondent Cynthia Luwhoe explains:

“Police in the small town of Mount Abalene, Alabama are beside themselves trying to figure out how someone stole more than 20 pounds of drugs and an illegal aquatic turtle — he was from another case — out of their evidence locker without anyone noticing.

Deputy chief Peter Coltrain says it’s the ‘darndest thing’ he’s ever seen.”

Granted, the town of Mount Abalene may be so small that it doesn’t come up in Google searches, but that doesn’t mean its police officers have any less training. To be certified in Georgia all Police officers go through rigorous training. The south is still a dangerous place where inner cities are concerned. Police are ready to go.

The FBI has assumed control of the investigation since it crosses state lines from Alabama into Georgia for some reason. An Obama investigated by the FBI? Let’s hope the swamp has been draining over there behind closed doors.

About Flagg Eagleton 20 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.