BREAKING: Baron Trump Missing From White House Grounds

Baron Trump, who many have speculated may have a spot high on the autism spectrum, has apparently evaded the Secret Service and tens of thousands of summer tourists and slipped out of the White House. The President and First Lady, who are in Baton Rouge to shoot a commercial for 2020 Trump gear, are said to be beside themselves with worry and will cut the shoot short later this afternoon if he isn’t found.

Our information, from a porter inside the White House, says that the protective detail tried to get the press involved but decided that word of Baron out and alone may put him in danger:

“There are a lot of Trump haters out there. If some of them had the chance to get their hands on his son? Who knows what might happen.”

The situation could be more dire than that. There is the possibility that Baron was somehow lured out of the mansion and is actually in danger:

“If the boy is in danger we need to know about it immediately.”

But…without being able to alert the press, what options does the Secret Service have? In Trump’s America, they have the people:

“We’re leaking this information on ‘right wing extremist’ pages on Facebook because Trump’s true followers will know they need to keep an eye out for Baron and the rest will shout ‘fake news’ and laugh it off.”

This isn’t the first time Baron has slipped away. He’s done the same in Trump Tower now four times, each time telling the doorman he was “going on walkabout.” Melania laughed and said he was a big fan of Crocodile Dundee.

Please, patriots…if you see Baron Trump, offer him a cookie and get him to safety.

About Flagg Eagleton 34 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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