BREAKING: Little Marco Rubio Indicted For Running Fake ID Ring For Illegals

Little Marco Rubio campaigned on working with his Cuban and Mexican brethren for a “path to citizenship.” Little did anyone know, the path to citizenship was actually being provided by Rubio for $5K per person.

Rubio and his partner, Winston Helmsly, put together an enterprise that finds and recirculates social security numbers of children who registered but died before ever using them. If you’re an illegal who can make it to the shores of Florida, Louisiana, Texas or New Mexico, there’s a good shot a Rubio-affiliated ID shop is where you’re headed.

Those shops are all being shut down, according to US Attorney Wilfred Bernstein:

“Rubio wasn’t helping people, he was fleecing them. Every single person who handed his business money handed it their entire life savings and then some. In many cases, people are indebted to Rubio, so he makes them work on his real estate projects.

This is basically a matter of organized crime. Providing ID and then required indentured servitutde isn’t how we do things here. There will be a hefty price to pay.”

Rubio’s office hasn’t responded to requests for a statement and Rubio himself may as well have dropped off the face of the earth. With the indictments for identity theft, fraud and human trafficking pending, Rubio is officially a fugitive from justice. We’ll keep you updated on this developing story.

About Flagg Eagleton 34 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.