BREAKING: Bridge Collapse Claims Hillary Clinton, Huma Abedin, 14 Others

The Mulatagrane Bridge in Columbus, New York has been in a state of immediate danger since 2009. It was submitted to the federal government but denied because of a clerical error on the application by the Obama administration. Last night it collapsed, and Obama has now been told that cost him the lives of two of his pals.

Hillary Clinton and Huma Abedin were traveling in a 2017 Ford Crown Victoria with two Secret Service agents when the bridge collapsed, sending them into the Nimbolosci river — the fifth strongest current in the world. Their bodies were recovered this morning more than a mile downstream. They had all escaped the vehicle but none escaped the deadly current.

President Trump expressed his hopes that “everyone but Crooked Hillary” made it out alive. The White House hasn’t commented since learning the terribl….y good news. That’s just what it is. God works in mysterious ways. They’ve already learned that a van carrying eleven of the other twelve victims was a group of “activists” on their way to a gay pride march. The final victim was a fugitive from justice wanted for murder.

basically, the nation lost two good Secret Service agents today and that’s about it. Everything else is just such a bonus, right?

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About Flagg Eagleton 98 Articles

Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.