BREAKING: Clinton Disappearance Not A Hoax-State Dept Gets Ransom Video

When Chelsea Clinton reported her parents missing this morning, the police and Secret Service decided to keep it quiet. Word did get out, as it always does, but there has been so much fake news surrounding Hillary Clinton that nobody believed it and the story died.

That was fine with everyone involved when the assumption was that Bill and Hillary slipped away in Manhattan for a romantic interlude. (That was tough to type without laughing out loud.) This afternoon, however, the State Department got a video from ISIS demanding $500 million or they would kill the couple.

According to our source at the Pentagon, the leaked info is absolutely true:

“We’re working with a video that clearly shows the Clintons in a helicopter over a jungle. We’re assuming because of time constraintys that they’re in South America. We have teams working on it but honestly, they could be anywhere.”

The State Department has a long-standing tradition of NOT negotiating with terrorists, unless you count the last eight years under Obama. Now that they think they can get cash for someone like Bill or Hillary Clinton, they’ll take them whenever they can.

Sources at the White House are confirming that President Trump won’t negotiate and that the Clintons will have to seek help elsewhere. We’ll keep you updated on this developing situation.

About Flagg Eagleton 98 Articles

Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.